I wasn’t able to sleep much last night. Not sure why. It wasn’t one of those tossing and turning with too much on my mind anxiety ridden nights. I. Just. Couldn’t. Sleep.

4:30 a.m. came around and hubby’s alarm went off so instead of laying in bed trying to wish myself back to sleep, I got up with him and we sat in the living room and chatted over coffee. It was nice and relaxing. We talked about upcoming plans for the house, tossed around ideas for what to do next, even talked a bit about summer vacation plans and we laughed and talked about the kids and how lucky we are and how amazing they are.

In the conversation, the current project of stuccoing the exterior of our house came up. Hubby said “I guess it was worth a year of no siding on the house for you to be able to be home with the kids” and went on to say how happy he is that I am home with them raising them to be the wonderful people they are.

It occurred to me that I completely take that for granted now. I used to always think about how because I was home, I was sacrificing this that or the other thing. Now it’s so normal to me, 2 1/2 years after quitting my job to stay home, that I don’t think of the things we have to put off in terms of it being at the cost of me being home.

On the positive side, not constantly having to think about life in terms of one or two paychecks is a blessing. I truly have found happiness in my life when I am not constantly thinking that if only I had a job, we could do, be, have more. I have become quite comfortable in the lovely little life we’ve made since I left work. When I left my job, I remember being worried that I’d really miss my paycheck, my long uninterrupted lunches, even just the ability to go to the bathroom by myself. I also feared the loss of that income and the stuff I wouldn’t be able to do or have. Things sure do change when you become a full time mom. I am grateful that we simplified to a life I never knew could be so fulfilling and feel so natural.

And so, today, I am reminded that although we are making sacrifices for the good of our children, they are well worth it. The job is often a thankless one but that’s okay. It’s often selfless and draining but at the end of the day, 100% rewarding. I need to remind myself more often that things could be far different if we hadn’t made the right choices leading up to this. That hard work has paid off for us. It hasn’t made it a cakewalk, but it made it possible for me to spend these most formative years with two amazing people. Watching them grow and learn and love and laugh has been totally worth it.

Advertisements