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Well, it’s official! I have my very own domain now. WordPress and I are still friends but she’s just not allowed to be part of my address anymore. Adios! You can find me at http://www.remodelingthislife.com now – don’t forget to update your feed so you don’t miss out on any of the fascinating things I have to say.

I’ll be doing some minor adjustments to the layout and such but it’s pretty much set now so head on over there! I will be redirecting this site to the new site soon too. At the moment I have a migraine and anything above and beyond hitting submit on this is just too much to ask of me today.

Thanks for reading and being part of my blog – I’m having much fun with it and am thrilled to have it be my very own now. I feel all grown up.

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I knew there was a reason we don’t watch much TV in this house. My daughter has her collection of beloved DVDs, almost all of them involving a princess of some sort. And she likes Clifford and SuperWhy on PBS. That’s all she watches and she doesn’t watch that often.

Sunday morning, she and I went into the living room and curled up with hot chocolate to snuggle for a little while. She asked if she could watch Cinderella and I said sure. She went to the TV to turn it on an do her whole little routine of switching it to video mode, then putting in the DVD and starting it up. See why I’m lazy? She does everything for me 🙂

She turned the TV on and it was on CBS from the night before. It was The Care Bears. We’ve never seen that before and she decides she’d like to watch that instead of a DVD. I agree and we snuggle up and talk about the show and what is happening and who all the cute little bears are. Then a commercial comes on. One after another we got bombarded with 6 commercials all for toys and girly stuff. And she watched, eyes bugged out, and then begged me for every single thing she saw on that TV over the 20 minutes we sat there and through the two rounds of commercials.

I was so irritated! We’ve been having all sorts of talks about “just because we want something doesn’t mean we get it. You don’t need that, so no, you may not have it” stuff lately because she’s had a case of what you may call The Gimmies. “But I waaaaaant it”. It’s bad enough when I have to take her out to do errands that she sees stuff she’s constantly asking for. But seeing girls on TV playing with toys she doesn’t have nearly pushed her (and me) over the edge.

I must have been successful at getting something through her head because after talking about it for a little while, she said “Would you have to BUY those toys? So you’d need money for them? And daddy would have to work more?” Yep. Then, “well, maybe I’ll ask for one for my birthday. And when I get a new toy, I’ll give away an old toy to someone else who needs it so I don’t have too much stuff.”

Now we’re talking.

No more CBS. We’ll stick to DVDs, thankyouverymuch.

I was going to title this “I’m a lazy no good failure” but decided that was a bit more self-abusive than I need to be. I read a lot and hear a lot about success and failure. The theme is usually something along the lines of success being tied to how much one works, how hard one works and how much money, in turn, one makes. I read a lot about focus and drive and motivation and purpose and competitive spirit. When I look at myself, I have none of those qualities and if measuring success in how much and hard one works and how much one makes, I am one big heap of a failure.

For the purposes of this post, I am going to say I don’t work. I know, I am a stay at home mom and I do actually work at that, but I don’t have a day to day job, I don’t work from home, I don’t have 85 additional streams of income in my life to prove myself worthy to the world. I just stay home with my kids. I make no money. I should, by all means, consider myself a failure. I don’t strive for much more than what I have today. I don’t long for millions of dollars in the bank. I don’t perpetually think my life will be fulfilled and better and happier if I just had more money, things, and status.

All assessments by our friends and family, hubby and I are underachievers and failures. Hubby has abouat 98% of a computer science degree and works on a golf course in maintenance. We don’t own businesses and we don’t have all sorts of income from ventures outside of that. Just his work and me at home.

I suppose I should feel like a failure for not fulfilling my life potential, for not wanting a 6 figure job, or for not keeping up with everything around me. I mean, so many people around us think that of us, so I guess we should think that too. How dare we actually feel content and happy? We should make more money, spend more hours at work, and in the end be miserable but have money – the definition of success.

I don’t do anything excellently. I am, in all I do, mediocre. I am a mediocre mom – I let my kids eat cookies and they don’t go to bed at the same time every night. I am a mediocre friend – I forget birthdays all the time because I am too lazy and scatterbrained to maintain a calendar. I am in mediocre health because I am too lazy to exercise everyday and I like candy. Even the things I really enjoy, I don’t excel at. I love writing but I’ll never be great at it. I ramble too much. I love decorating. Still mediocre. My home will never be in a magazine. My kids will get looked at sideways in stores. I will never be filthy rich.

I have found myself much more sentimental and emotional the past couple of months. I spend A LOT of time thinking about all the beautiful wonderful things around me and appreciating them. Somedays, though, I feel like I am living in an alternate universe. That I should be thinking more about accumulating wealth or spending my hours brainstorming ways to make money. Because I like money. I really like money. And sometimes that conflict paralyzes me. I enjoy what I am and what I have today and I almost feel like striving for more is being a traitor to my love of simplicity. Maybe I don’t trust myself that I can actually make more, do more, and still live simply. Maybe I am afraid of finding out that I do adore huge houses and new cars and spending money like it grows on trees. Having what we have today and not adding to that allows me to just stay cozy in my little minimalist, lazy, underachieving world.

The lovely and talented Mrs. Micah is taking a much needed break for a couple of days and I offered to guest post for her while she’s relaxing. Head on over there and see my post Living, Whether in Debt or Debt Free which is all about making sure you are still living your life and following your dreams if you are in debt or building for your future. You know who you are…follow that passion of yours!

If you haven’t checked out her blog before, make sure you snoop around and even subscribe to her feed!

I have this really bad personality trait. I want things and I need things for myself to, you know, stay sane in my life. But I don’t ask for them. I know it’s a fault. I get told so very often that if I need something just to say so. Then other people know and can help me. This falls into all different areas of my life. I don’t like to feel like I have to ask for things in order for them to happen. I guess it all comes down to, in my mind, feeling like people are genuinely doing something they want to if they offer. Otherwise I am just putting them out and I hate that. Hate it. I know it’s not always the case. Sometimes people just don’t know or don’t think of it and would be happy to help once they know that I want or need something.

This happens a lot with hubby and I. I go weeks and week without a moment to myself and then I end up resenting that he never does anything to help me or to give me space. I know he doesn’t think of it on his own. He thinks if I need it, I’ll just take the time for myself. Again, though, I feel like I am putting him out to do that without him offering. I have to get over this, I know. Or else I’ll go more insane than I already am.

So today, when hubs called from work on his lunch break, I asked if he would mind taking the kids to the playground for a while when he got home. I thought he’d mumble and grumble like I am uber bitch of the universe for asking. Astonishingly, he was happy to do so. He got home, took a  shower and headed out with both of them.

For 2 blissful hours, I had the house to myself. I did my cardio pilates DVD which has, embarrassingly, been in it’s wrapper until today even though I bought it like 2 weeks ago. Before the actual exercises started, there was a little blurb about how I was going to learn to strengthen my core muscles, feel more energetic and lose weight. Fabulous! Sign me up! I need all of those things! I got my butt kicked by that DVD. For 50 minutes I did those exercises. I was actually quite proud that for never having done pilates before, I did every move in the DVD and I actually felt the proper muscles being worked. In my favor, I’ve done yoga a lot and they’re quite similar. The good news is that I am not in as bad of shape as I thought but the bad news is I am very far from being able to touch my toes. Oh well, maybe next week.

I did my DVD, then curled up with a glass of wine and a magazine, chatted online for a bit and just overall had a relaxing afternoon. Hubby and the kids got home and none of them wanted anything to do with me. Apparently they started this “we went to the playground together” exclusive club.

I forgot how much just a little me time recharges me, makes me more energized and ready to plug in with my family. It is draining day in and day out just me and the kids from the moment I wake until nearly the moment I go to bed. Today though was different and I liked it!